My Struggle

[commander fury]

No, this isn't about Hitler.
This is about some less serious things, but which can really bug someone's life.
Porn.

You've probably seen the little counter on my signature.It's a counter for how many days I can go without watching porn and masturbating.I reset it everytime I do it.But let's get to the source, first.How did I began this ? Well, it was a few years ago, when I was 12.I remember that I began it with watching some images on a website, and I was doing this through the steam browser, so it left no history.These images, of horrendous things (Threesomes, hardcore, etc...) led me into a more mesmirizing thing : Videos.I use a porn site called "Large porn tube", which references all the free porn videos throughout the world, with a link to their website.I cannot recall why I started it nor the exact day.But I did not, yet, began to masturbate.Then I had my first %*£@è (Which was not even made through porn), and later made the link between the two.I didn't realized yet how bad it was, only felt a little sad at the end.It became more frequent, and I developped weird, uncasual, dirty, horrible fetishes that I'm ashamed of.Even here, where I open my chest, I am ashamed to tell them.

Later, I realized how horrible this was.I felt more and more sad and ashamed each times.Then I met faith, I started to pray regularly, in my bed, begging for forgiveness.And these elements made me realize how wrong and disgusting I was.But I relapsed, and relapsed.I even got my computer infected by a virus which really scared the hell out of me.I have goosebumps from remembering that dreadful day.My dad saw it, and thank God he believed the thin lie I offered to him.

But that scray events didn't made me stop.I relapsed more and more.I felt terrible, depressed, put myself away, became stressful.I did it over and over again.The New Year arrived, I promised myself not to do it again, but I relapsed two weeks after.Then another serie of relapses.Then three weeks being "clean", my longest record.And now, what ? I can't keep 4 days without it.It poisons my sould and my mind.Even when I'm praying, when I'm in class, when I'm eating or speaking to my parents, these thoughts, these memories of horrible things, these lustful images come back, and I can't get them out of my head.

I mingled faith with it, but it's two different things.I am not trying to convert you.But even from an atheist point of view, porn has bad effects on the brain, and is really addictive.Hopefully, God is forgiving and very patient.Jesus is helping me.I rely on faith to solve my problem, you can rely on something else.Now where is this addiction going to stop ? Only the Lord knows.I'll surely relapse a thousand times again.It'll be a long journey, but I am convinced I can make it.

Why did I posted that ? I guess, because I had too much time on my hands, and this is called random topics.
I hope you can benefit from my story, and avoid the mistakes I made.If we're on the same path, then I wish you good luck in climbing this rough mountain.

[Snoap]

dafuq did I just read?

I've no words mate.

[Stermy]

I've been clean for three days now. The struggle is on. I can feel my head exploding everytime I see a woman. The abstinences are here, and I notice how my hand always kind of wants to touch my penis. It's hard trying abstract from it, because the porn is right there next to me, wether it's on my phone or computer. I go to church as frequently as possible, just trying to see if one day, God will hear my prayers. People quite oftenly underestimate the power of sexual content, and so did I, myself. Now it's not just sexual material for masturbating. It's becoming a lethal disease, a tumor growing in me, a tumor that can't be held back with chemotherapy. That was my story.

[Nicdel]

Why Hitler

[Xseba360]

Why Hitler

Because not Stalin

[myback]

You should have just put this:

[SuperNovaX]

Just gonna throw this out there, relapsing isn't a bad thing. Sometimes it helps. I've relapsed a few times with my cutting issues. Right now I am 2 weeks clean and it's hard and the urges are there but you just gotta keep fighting it. Push yourself to get better. It's okay to give in if you REALLY need to because that's part of the process. Now I know this isn't the same but it's kinda similar. Just do things that can distract you. Play a sport, go for a run once in a while, go have fun.

[Aya]

But even from an atheist point of view, porn has bad effects on the brain, and is really addictive.

No...

Just to make sure that you're not calling yourself an Atheist right?
Because we do not pray for "God" because whoever that is doesn't exist(for us).
You sound most similar to my friend who use to be a Mormon.
Masturbating is perfectly natural thing to do since you can be unhealthy for not doing it.
Think as it's better than raping a real girl or doing some crazy hard core shit on your love one.
I can't convince you to change your mind but just so you can feel a bit better(maybe).

I feel very awkward commenting seriously but oh well.

[Brotherhood Of Nod]

What the fuck kind of shit is this?

[warmage45]

But even from an atheist point of view, porn has bad effects on the brain, and is really addictive.

Masturbating is perfectly natural thing to do since you can be unhealthy for not doing it.

Only thing needed to be said for this

There's nothing to be ashamed of unless you get caught hehehehjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

[Demon]

Listen, this is your private life mate, you don't need to share this with us because quiet frankly we don't give a single fuck about how long you've went without fapping your little peanut. I'm sorry mate but I'm saying the truth. Just lock the topic because seriously no one wants to hear about your private stuff which should be kept to your self and only your self.

[commander fury]

Thank you everyone for your comments.
I'm glad to see I'm not alone in my struggle.

@Aya : No, I'm Christian.My faith leads me, it gives me a strip to hang on.It motivates me, and makes me feel better.Thanks for that comment, you really make a point.I'm 14, and apparently it's very natural to do this at this age.I've tried to convince me of that, but...It's very complicated.After the session, I always feel a little...sad.Empty.This, even when I wasn't Christian.But thank you, you warmed up my heart.

@Supernova : Yes, relapse is part of the process, I am aware of it, but thanks still.Although, when you ruin a three weeks streak, it's harder each time...At least that's how I feel about it.Thanks for the advices too.

@Stermy : Glad to to have a partner here.You're lucky to go to church.I could go, but my dad is an atheist, and my mom Muslim.I feel closer to protestants (In Christianity), and in France we're almost all catholics.Plus, I don't think the priests at my town will be very understanding.They're old, maybe bigoted...But I still pray.Alone.

@Nicdel and Xseba : Hitler wrote a book called "Mein Kampf", which was translated to " My Struggle" in the english version.I just said that so I could avoid any misunderstandings.

To those who don't have anything to say...Please don't be mean.Just ignore the thread, it will be locked if Ant judge it necessary.

[Stermy]

This is actually turning into "Fifty Shades of Grey."

[SuperNovaX]

Fury I know it is harder each time. You're welcome. If you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to talk to me.

[Demon]

Fury I know it is harder

That's what she said. ;DD