The big bang theory

[shadowslayer]

now, i bet some of you think that big bang that formed the universe is just a pile of horse shit,but ur wrong because thats the way it happened. heck, i was there too, i remember it as if it were yesterday...
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it was a slow day in the college of the gods, where those greek tools trained to be gods.
and i was currently a teachers assistant. then god[whom the greeks call teacher] walks in.

Shadow: where the fuck have you been? lunch was over 10 minutes ago. we have a class to teach, ya know.

God: oh, yah, sorry, got sidetracked at the-uugh.

Shadow: whats wrong?

God:i think that burito just caught up with... me... i gotta go[runs for strange door labelled 'bathroom']

Shadow: god, isnt that the door to eternity? [god runs in door]

Shadow: wait, why does that say bathroom- uh oh

Shadow: [runs toward the door in slomo] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[a huge fart sound is heard and the palace starts shaking violently, while shadows stands with his jaw dropped]

God:[taking a dump]uuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh, i forgot about my spice allergy [walks out door]

Posiden: ahahahahahahahahahahaha!! good one!!!

Shadow: oh my freakin... DUDE!! DID YOU JUST FART IN ETERNITY?! [notices smell] oh, hell!! and it stinks like shit too! whad you eat, man?

God: you have the mexican buffet to thank for that, and my spice allergy

Shadow: I CANT BELIEVE YOU DID THAT!

Zeus: yah, not your best desicion.

Hermes: whats that damn smell?

God: i just saved everyone's lives and this is the thanks i get?

[ice king runs through holding a lighter, with Hephaestus on his trail]

Ice King: ahahahahahahah!!!

Hephaestus : give me back my lighter asshole!

Ice king: make me!![freezes hephaestus's feet in place with an icebolt.]

[both stop at door of eternity]

Ice King: you cant follow me in here

Shadow: no no no dont go in there its filled with-[ice king runs through door]

[huge explosion blows hole in the wall, and blasts the ice king back in the palace]

Shadow: methane...

Ice king: [looking at where the explosion occured] uuuuuuuuhhhh, wait, what's happening in that hole over there?

God: seems to be some type of anomaly, its like the fire and gasses are swirling into these little balls orbiting around clusters.

Shadow: and inside the clusters, the fragments of the palace wall are forming into even smaller balls which orbit the bigger ones.

[hera and apollo walk in]

Hera: wtf was that explosion?

Apollo: yah, i cant write music in these conditions!

Shadow: dont worry, its just the ice king being an ass, the situation is perfectly under con[ice king steals hera's staff]

Hera: my magic staff!!!!!!!!

[zeus and shadow then start shooting lightning bolts at the ice king, but he then escapes through the door of eternity]

Ice king: eheheheheheheeee!!! nice try, freaks! now, wait, this staff is too girly, mabye i can take its magic and use it to make a more manly enchanted accessory.

Shadow: dammit, he got away, but we can follow him later into that uhhh, uhh, i know! well call it the universe!!

[a hot lady walks in]

Posiden: woohohoohohooo, now thats one pretty lady.

Apollo: [whistles]

Lady:wow, what a pretty site out there, what is that?

Shadow: its a new invention, its called the universe.

Lady: thats an awesome name for it, it would take someone pretty smart to come up with such a thing.

Shadow: well, i dont want to toot my own horn but-

God: i did, all me, came up with the name myself.

Lady:[walking toward god] man, u must be the smartest guy alive

God: well, i am a teacher here. in fact, i even chased away this thief that stole one of the student's staffs.

Shadow: WOW!!

God: you bet your keister wow.

Lady: i love a man who cares about the children.[leaning on god] so, wanna celebrate? mabye in your bedroom? mabye have a sweet child afterward?

God: can we name him jesus?

Lady: we cant name him until hes born.

[both walk out]

[shadow then stands there with his jaw dropped]
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And thats how the universe was created.
later on i started a trend of saying gods name in vein as revenge, but then got over it when i started dating athena.